Missing him

This week we passed the four year mark. May 6, 2005 Todd left our home on earth and went to his new forever home in heaven. It's been a tough week, but I am thankful for all the good memories we cherish of Todd. He is still so missed by all of us.

Today I missed talking to him. I just want to talk to him again. I miss his touch, his love, his smile, and all the physical things, but today and tonight I would do anything to just talk with him again. I miss the way he looked at me when I was talking. He could "read" me like no one ever could or can. He knew my soul. He knew my thoughts. He loved me despite it all, too! Sure, there were plenty of times I would be talking to him and soon hear him snoring in the darkness. But more times than not, he would look me in the eyes with that smile. I loved talking to him. Sometimes I wish I had talked less and listened more, but I miss talking to him. And I miss his voice.

And yet another loss...

I was walking by our white board and scratched my back. How do you put a band aid on your back??

The loss? I'm missing and have lost my personal doctor to apply bandages on my unreachable back!

Another loss...

When I was working through the Grief Share program, I learned that there are numerous losses when you lose a spouse. God graciously does not allow us to see all the losses at once. As time passes, more and more losses come to light. Another loss came to light today.

I've missed my companion and best friend and have felt that loss for years. Today a friend asked me to pray for something, but did not want it public. Tonight I miss my prayer partner with whom I could pray in confidence with.