I was blessed

I took a lot for granted being married to Todd. I've come to realize that what we had was rare. I knew there were "bad" marriages, I heard the complaints, I knew friends who were separated and some who were divorced...I knew it was "out there," but I honestly thought that was the exception, and that most married couples were living in bliss as I was. In seventeen years of marriage, I can honestly write that Todd and I never had any "blow outs" or angry arguments. never. Sure, we had our disagreements, but we never, ever attacked each other's character, personality...things we could not change. We were who we were and we accepted each other, faults and all. Before Todd went to sleep, he would say, "we ok?" and "I love you." We were told in marriage counseling to never let the "sun go down upon our differences," and so we didn't. We were also told never to withhold pleasure from each other over disagreements, and so we didn't (we have six kids, but well, that's ok! ...for those of you wondering, YES, we DID use contraceptives!). :)

Todd would leave notes for me all over the house. I was reminded of this when my daughter found a photo album where I had saved many of them. I wrote Todd notes as well, and I did find a pile of them in his dresser drawer from me as well. I loved finding those notes. Todd and I loved each other more than words could possibly express. He was everything to me. There was never a time when I doubted his love for me nor he for my love for him. never. I knew he loved me. He knew I loved him, and we told each other this many times every single day. The last words Todd said to me was, "I love you."

I was truly blessed with a very special marriage. God was good to us. Losing Todd was like being cut in pieces (not in half...in pieces). But today I'm trying to find and remember all the good pieces, all the love, all the great things I was truly blessed with. I'm not saying Todd was perfect, because believe me, he was not! In fact, I'll have to dedicate a post (or two...or more!)to his many faults! But not today. Today I know I was truly blessed with a wonderful, loving, godly marriage that honored our Lord and gave glory to Him. I was so blessed.

Buying shoes for six! (alone)

Tonight we all went out to buy shoes...all seven of us. This used to be a two parent ordeal. It took both Todd and I to deal with all the looking, sizing, checking, and pricing. Even though the older ones were able to pick out their own, it still was a big job for one parent. I miss Todd. He always made shopping fun, even with all the busyness and craziness that went along with dealing with all the different children. It wasn't fun tonight. I thought I was going to cry right in the store.

Part of being a husband was being a partner to shoe purchasing with me. Tonight I miss my shoe purchasing partner.

Missing him

This week we passed the four year mark. May 6, 2005 Todd left our home on earth and went to his new forever home in heaven. It's been a tough week, but I am thankful for all the good memories we cherish of Todd. He is still so missed by all of us.

Today I missed talking to him. I just want to talk to him again. I miss his touch, his love, his smile, and all the physical things, but today and tonight I would do anything to just talk with him again. I miss the way he looked at me when I was talking. He could "read" me like no one ever could or can. He knew my soul. He knew my thoughts. He loved me despite it all, too! Sure, there were plenty of times I would be talking to him and soon hear him snoring in the darkness. But more times than not, he would look me in the eyes with that smile. I loved talking to him. Sometimes I wish I had talked less and listened more, but I miss talking to him. And I miss his voice.