Feb 26, 2009

February 27, 1988

Tomorrow we would have been celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary. I can't really put into words how I feel tonight. Cheated? maybe. Lonely? definitely.

Happy Anniversary, hon.

Feb 24, 2009

That Question

I tutor kids after school and today I was asked "that question" again. "Are you married?" How do you answer that? If I say "not anymore" they assume I got a divorce. If I say "No," they wonder how/why I have six children and why I wear a ring on my finger. If I say "Yes," is that a lie? I don't like that question. Today I said "yes" just to avoid the conversation. Being a widow sucks.

Feb 20, 2009


Death is weird, foreign to us. I'm reminded what a Creation Scientist, who studies life, once told me after losing his son in the war in Iraq: "God never meant for us to experience death. He created us to live." That made quite an impression on me and gives reason to why we often struggle so much with death and losing someone close to us.

When people close to us die, it becomes a unique experience, because everyone's relationship with that person is varied. Even when experiencing the death of a spouse, although you become part of a "club" (for lack of a better term) you never wanted to be a part of, everyone's marital relationship is different. Some struggle. Some don't. Yet ALL go through what we call GRIEF from the loss of that spouse.

Grieving the death of a spouse is shared by countless people, all with varying circumstances, relationships, and ages. Each of these differences makes the grieving process unique. Surely there are some obvious similarities that make us all part of this "club," but this blog is not about those. This blog will be unique, because my experience with the death of my spouse is unique in the ways mentioned above (circumstances, relationships, and ages).

I suppose a good place to start would be with the circumstances surrounding my husband's death...

To Lose a Spouse

Losing a spouse is painful. It's like part of you has been amputated. Everything changes. For me, the death of my husband has been the most horrific thing that has ever happened in my life. That's why I created this blog. This is the first of hopefully many posts that will help others get a glimpse "inside."