Jul 17, 2012

What Is Wrong With Me???

Okay. Here it is seven years and almost three months since Todd left this earth and went to heaven. Yet every night when I see that empty space on the bed, my heart yearns to see him again. I can hear his voice, remember what his touch felt like, remember every detail from those final months, and even, at times, think I see him here in the house!? When I wake up, I'm so disappointed the moment I realize Todd is still gone. I have been without him for SEVEN YEARS!! How can this be? I didn't think I could make it a day without him. I need to thank Father for this. I know it is all by His grace, mercy, and strength! As I watch the children grow older, I yearn to talk with Todd about them, pray for them with him, and discuss how to handle different family issues. I hate doing this by myself, yet my oldest daughter reminds me I am not by myself. I have God. Yes, but what she doesn't seem to take into account is that God is not "touchable" or "seeable." I keep seeing Todd's eyes. He loved me so much. I miss him so very, very much. I just wonder if this will ever go away? Why does it still hurt so much after all these years? I suppose only God knows...

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